Sometimes Life is Like Falling Leaves!

I sit every morning upstairs peering out my window onto the beautiful tree with green leaves. I am up high and it feels like I am a little kid in my tree house. I sip my coffee, read and drink in the morning slowly.  (Usually I get interrupted by small children needing breakfast or something of the sort.)  But there is an indescribable peace that takes place each morning.  This is new for me.  This peace.  It feels safe, warm, comfortable.  It feels like I am home.

our 1960's trailer

 I haven't felt that way in a long time.  I was married and away from home at age 18.  I spent every 2 years moving from place to place being a military wife.  Our last stop was our longest place of residence.  We were there for 5 years.  During our time there, my husband worked insane hours, morning, nights, weekends, holidays.  It was not the normal to eat dinner together every night by 5pm.  The typical 9 to 5 job was never a part of our lives.  My husband commuted almost 2 hours one way to work, so we decided to try a buy a house elsewhere.  We put 29 offers in on homes. None were accepted.  So we went to plan B...buy a teal blue and white striped 1960's trailer and live there part time, closer to his job to save on his crazy commute and long hours.  Luckily I home-school, so I trucked all the kids with me to see daddy at the trailer as often as possible.  Our lives consisted of living in  2 homes, (none of which felt like home). The trailer felt like a fun get away by the beach!  The other house felt like the place we go when daddy was on the night shift.  After a year and a half of living between 2 places, we started the process of buying a home closer to my hubby's work again. The trailer and home thing was becoming to difficult.  It was taking it's toll on our family.  It was stealing our family time and robbing us of living a peaceful life together.  The kids needed to see their daddy more and I was desperately needing to spend time with my husband and have some type of "normal routine". We started the home buying process over again!  The first house we saw...we loved... it felt like it was made just for us!  It had HOME SWEET HOME written all over it!  It was the perfect combination of my other half and myself!  It had LAND!  It had fruit trees!  It had a swing hanging from an enormous pepper tree!   It had chicken cages and a bunny rabbit.  It had dirt and space to ride bikes!  It had giant, breath-taking trees with birds singing constantly!  It had a view of the city!  It was a hidden gem waiting for the right family to find it.  It had four bedrooms downstairs and the master bedroom upstairs.  (Perfect for my husband's night shift, so he could sleep during the day!)  It was a match made in heaven.  But it wasn't that we wanted bigger or better or more...we just wanted to be a family again!  This home represented a lifestyle makeover!  It meant waking up to my man every morning!  It meant no more fast food and long car rides to the trailer.  It meant going to one church and growing roots! This home meant freedom!  It meant living under one roof and living the way God intended families to live...TOGETHER! This home sat on the market for over 500 days...escrow after escrow fell through with this home.  We found it only 35 days before it was to be auctioned off!  Our realtor said she couldn't believe it was still sitting here and not snatched up already!  She said, "It was as if Someone upstairs was keeping hidden and saved for just your guys!"  And she was right about that!

I am unsure of how to tell you how GOOD of a God we serve, without going into all the details of our nightmare short sale process!  I have always heard that we grow through trails.  That we are "old being refined by the fire".  That we are the "clay and HE is potter".  That what "doesn't kill us, makes us stronger".  Now I am a believer!  After the intense drama and disappointment after disappointment...I am a believer!  I look back at this home buying process and see the hand of God in EVERY detail!  I see that He allowed us to be declined 29 times on buying a home before we found this one.  I see that God hand picked our renters for both the trailer and the other home.  I see how He brought certain people into our lives to prove his power!  I see how all the "mistakes"  were in fact not "mistakes" at all... but God's protection and plan for us!



my tree after the fallen leaves and before the purple flowers!



The upstairs lounge area where I sit in my make believe tree house has more of a story to it.  For the first 4 weeks of living in our new home, I noticed the pretty green leaves started falling off more and more!  Each morning I would grieve that my tree was dying!  I started panicking!  I watered that tree religiously out of fear of losing my tree house and peaceful mornings with my coffee, prayer  time with God and room with a view!  I would say, "Why God?...You know this is my most precious sacred place in the house.  Why would you take that from me?  I love this tree.  Don't let it die, let it live, let it thrive!"  And after all the leaves had fallen and nothing but sticks were left...I noticed something strange...A delicate, bright purple flower on the end  of one of the limbs.  The next morning..another flower and the next many flowers!!!!  After 6 weeks of a tree resembling death....it came to life!!!!  And it was thriving!  The green leaves were nothing compared to the purple flowers!



our wonderul backyard



I realized one of the most important life lessons this week.  All those struggles of living between 2 places, driving back and fourth, lost time with my husband and the stresses of married life with four small children represented the "green leaves."  God allowed our family of time of "slow death"... a falling of "green leaves" in order to bring the vibrate, majestic flowers!   When I felt like God was absent or slow in His dealings with our short sale and living situations was indeed God's Plan A the entire time.  HE was proving Himself to be a loving, nurturing God who has our desires in His heart too!  I thank God for the falling leaves and now I praises Him for the purple flowers.  I hope to not doubt again!  My faith has been strengthened in a way never known to me before.  I see that my Maker is always working ALL things together for His good!  (Romans 8:28)

A Roller Coaster Ride of "Good News vs. Bad News"

Many days are like a repeat of themselves, just disguised in different ways.  The series of events may differ from one day to the next, but the emotions that come with them are the same.  It amazes me how many feelings I can experience in just one day!  In a matter of a few minutes, I can be a jumping bean full of life, excitement and happiness...then those feelings may fade away and a sadness or frustration creeps its way in.  The mind...one of the toughest battle grounds there is.  It's a war that's constantly fighting between surrender or victory, death or survival.  One minute it conquers and wins...the next it falls to the ground, taken by a rather large arrow... straight to the heart.

In my one hour drive back home today,  I was flooded by a sea of emotions that I was trying to understand.  I was trying to make sense of it all.  The reality is this; "good news" feels great!  And "bad news"...feels terrible!  I was processing really good news and really bad news at the same time.  How is that possible?  As we drove down a beautiful country road, surrounded by green pastures and mooing cows...I was so engaged in the beauty around me.  Going 35mph in a 55mph didn't seem to bother me one bit.  I was lost in God's creation. 

Then back to reality...My one year old is screaming her little head off.  It was one of those cries that actually hurts your ear drums and causes great pain to endure.  I passed back the bottle to her and it was chucked back to me in pure rage!  She was furious that I would try to pacify her with milk, instead of rescuing her from a "death trap" aka "the car seat".  I gave up on the idea of trying to help her.  Forget the distraught baby...back to my thoughts.  Then I hear from the rear seat, "Mom, I am  sooooo  thirsty."  I managed to pass back the super-sized-ice-cold water for my daughter.  Then of course...the entire cup falls onto the floor, the baby and the sleeping six year old brother!  Now everyone is crying!  The water is gone and everyone is wet.  (Go figure!) 

I escaped back into my thoughts. I ponder the good news.  Then back to the bad news.  Back and fourth.  It was like I was on a roller coaster ride.  I was feeling motion sickness from all the ups and downs...highs and lows...good news...bad news....Ughhhh!  And yet again, another interruption from the wet, awoken, upset brother in the rear seat. "Mom, (with tears) please help me!  I gotta go potty right now!  I can't hold it!  It's coming out!"  I pulled over quickly to the brick wall next to me.  Too late...I was too late!  He had already relieved himself!  I pulled over anyway and made him get out to finish what he started.  Then on the road again.  Back to the ongoing-always-interrupted "war" in my mind.  Good news...bad news... (here we go again!)

We arrive home. The house is full of moving boxes, a dog who keeps barking with excitement at the return of his family.  The fridge has no food, the kids are tired, the baby needs mommy and the answering machine plays back too many messages to comprehend. All I can muster up to do: sit at the computer and blog.  I gotta get my thoughts on paper.  There are way too many things happening at one time.  I hit the "pause" button on my bi-polar thought life and pull out the yellow sticky note in my back pocket.  It reads, ..."But he who trusts in the Lord will be prospered."  Proverbs 28:25.  I needed that reminder today.

Whether it's good news or bad news...I can trust that God is in control and nothing can happen to me or my family without it first being filtered through Him.  So now I finish my day with a  settled mind.  My "war" is over.  I will choose to put the "good and bad news" in God's hands.

BREAKTHROUGH

I write this to you, who are weary of prayer.  To you, who used to believe in the power of prayer and now are not so sure.  To you, who believe in God, but are frustrated with how you pray and seem to feel as though God has forgotten you.  To you dear friend, I write.  God has not forgotten you.  I am a witness of that!  I can stand before you today and say,"God has heard my prayers!  God has lifted my head to look up and see how the impossible is possible!"  To you my friend, I say PRAY.  Pray to our great God who loves you, has purpose in all things, has a reason for your trial, has understanding where you lack, has victory when it feels hopeless.  For it is when you pray... that one day you will be able to shout, "BREAKTHROUGH!" 

I love that word.  It means that it finally has happened!  It is a word that shouts out "CELEBRATE!"  It represents change for the better. 

What was once...is no more.  What was in desperate need of rescue, has been saved!  What was broken is now in the process of healing!  What was lost, is found!

The wall is broken down!  The barrier is shattered to pieces!  The battle has been won!  The fight is over!  We can now move forward!

Breakthrough.

Someone that I love has had a recent breakthrough!  Someone special to me has been broken, now  to be made stronger!  Someone that I have prayed for over and over again, has had the chains removed from a life of slavery.  The slavery of perfection... yet never perfect.  The slavery of expectations...yet never meeting the need.  The slavery of routine...yet missing the mark.  The slavery of waking and sleeping, yet never feeling rested.  The slavery of demands and deadlines put on by self.  The slave has been set free.  Free to live the life that God  intended.  Someone that I love has just had a breakthrough!

I am so glad that I kept praying.  When it felt like a dead end, I am so glad I did not quit praying.  I am so glad that through many years of tears and grief for this person, I kept praying.  Sometimes I felt like God was absent.   I would ask..."When I beg You to bring healing...Where are you God ?
 Why aren't you listening to me, God?" 

And now I see so clearly.  Sometimes... many long, hard years have to happen in order for breakthrough to occur.  Sometimes the worst has to happen, before it can be better.  Now I understand that trials really do have purpose.  It is only through fire, that gold can be made so pure.  Now I see that God's silence to us, doesn't mean His absence.  His silence demands we live by faith.  For it is faith that can move mountains!  And when the mountains are moved, we can see the breathtaking view! 
And then something amazing happens...
BREAKTHROUGH!!!

Matthew 17:20 
  He (Jesus) replied, “...Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

I miss my sister.

Have you ever missed someone so much that it actually hurts your heart? You can feel the emptiness.  You can feel the hole inside your soul.  And nothing or  no one can replace that which is lost.

 I have.  I miss my sister.

My two sisters  are some of the dearest people I know on this earth.  There is a bond that cannot be broken by the love of a sister.  We share that deep connection that cannot be explained in words.  We all share a deep sense of understanding and acceptance with eachother. We can feel eachother's thoughts and heartaches.  We can hear eachother's  voices and know that she is holding back tears.  We can sense fear, frustration, happiness or sadness...before the words even come out.  We can read eachother's body language, because we have the same language.  My sister's are a huge part of my world! 

I miss my sister.

I have one sister who I do life with.  We eat pizza together.  We let our kids run wild in the backyard mud with bowls and spoons!  We make eachother a cup of coffee and chat about our day.  We train our children together.  We homeschool together.  We discuss parenting, God, and what life lessons we are learning.  We trade kids and help watch eachother's kids, when we want to go on a date with our hubby. We do errands for one another.  We live close enough to do the little stuff that make up life.  We are buddies.  She challenges me.  She encourages me.  She sacrifices for me.  She takes care of me.  She listens to me.  She celebrates with me.  She is a best friend.

I love my younger sister.

I have another sister who brings tears to my eyes, as I write about her.  (Because I miss her like crazy!) She is thousands of miles away.   She is in another time zone.   It feels as though she is on another planet.  She lives deep in the heart of the amazon jungle of Peru.  She is a missionary there with her husband and four small children.  She has sacrificed the comforts of the USA, in order to live with the tribes and share the love of Jesus.  She has been gone nearly two years now.  We have skyped only a couple times.  We e-mail eachother a few times a month.  I think about her everyday.  I pray for her everyday.  When I climb into my new SUV and turn my seats on "warm"....I think about my sister.  I feel horrible that I am seating on leather seats with the warmer on and she is getting sea-sick on a long boat ride down the amazon river. When I microwave my kids dinner leftovers, I wonder what animal her husband shot and brought home for her to chop up and lay of the firewood to feed the tribes.  When I take a hot shower, I think of how my sister bathes in the river with creepy creatures swimming by.  When I fold fresh "Tide" laundry, I think of my sister hanging clothes on a wire across the hut, in the rainy season of the jungle this time of year.  I cannot express how it feels on the inside to have a sister so far away...living life so differently. I feel guilty of the pleasures I have in Southern California.  There are some days I simply cannot enjoy my turkery sandwich, because I know my sister is out there trying to start a fire with rain-soaked-wood!  My life here is so easy. 
But what is not so easy... is missing my sister and her family.

I miss the simple stuff.  I miss going to dollar day at the thrift store together.  I miss swimming in the pool in her backyard with all our kids.  I miss hearing her play piano and sing.  I miss sitting on her couch and smelling the vanilla soy candles.  I miss our drive-thru adventures at Bakers getting an ice-cream cherry shake.  I miss hearing her advice about how to handle my tough little boy.  I miss baking chocolate chip cookies and eating them fresh out of the oven.  I miss seeing my kids play "Little House on The Prarie" with their cousins.  I miss Christmas at her house.  I miss her white roses at the front porch.  I miss her green grass and big tree in the front yard.  I miss our sleepovers and late night talks.  I miss calling her at any time of day.  I miss sitting in the sunshine, sipping her famous Lipton tea.  I miss our memories.

Have you ever missed someone so much that it actually hurts your heart? You can feel the emptiness.  You can feel the hole inside your soul.  And nothing or  no one can replace that which is lost.

 I have.  I miss my sister.

"Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, think I'll eat some worms..."

Have you ever heard the song that goes like this," Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, think I'll eat some worms..."  Well,  I am not sure if that is a "real song" or a "made-up" song by my siblings and myself.  But I do remember singing that song many times in my childhood!  Whenever I was pouting, sitting in the feeble position and crying about having no friends...my sisters would sing that song to me.  And I would sing that song to my sisters, if they acted the same.  (Aren't siblings so nice to each other!)

I remember starting to feel myself slip into that very harsh and almost un-escapable emotion of loneliness when I was 19 years old.  I was a newly-wed, married to a wonderful, tender-loving man.  He bent over backwards for me.  He would sacrifice anything, just to make me happy. But while he was a student at a nuclear power plant, working insane hours each week...I was home alone, desperate for a girl-friend who I could hangout with, talk to, shop with, go to coffee with.  I just wanted someone to be my buddy, while my husband was working.  I lived in a new state, experiencing culture shock.  My closest family members lived 2,000 miles away.  I loved being married and embarking on a new adventure...but I was hungry for a friend also.  Each day that passed without a friend (other than my husband of course) grew dimmer.  I was slowly falling into that emotional pit of worms.

It sure is amazing how the feeling of loneliness can effect us in this world of millions of people.  Dwelling of the feeling of loneliness basically robs us of anything good.  We become so inward focused.  We lose our sight.  We suffer silently, waiting for someone to notice us.  Waiting for someone to rescue us from the depths of despair.  We become depressed and start believing the lies of our mind.  We start to believe that we are stupid, worthless individuals; who have no purpose and reason for living.  The hole we choose to live in grows deeper, darker and colder.  We become consumed in our false-reality that we allow ourselves to be in.  We replay the song over and over again..."nobody likes me, everybody hates me, think I'll eat some worms..."  The worms represent feeding our brain the brutally sad, un-healthy, extremely negative, damaging emotions of SELF-PITY!!!  We become so needy for someone to love and accept us and reach out to us, that all we can think about is belonging somewhere and to someone.  We become addicted to the emotion of  feeling un-love able, un-appreciated, un-welcomed and un-attractive.  The sad truth is that while we do that...  we actually become un-reachable!

After many months of loneliness in New York, at the young age of 19, something clicked for me.  It was a freezing cold, gloomy, excessively snowy day.  I sat alone in my ice-covered, silver, CA license plate Saturn, waiting for my cute husband in the parking lot of his work.  It was no different than any other day.  I was used to picking him up from work everyday in the evening.  In fact, all of us one-vehicle families and/or young Navy wives sat and waited in the car  for their husbands at the end of a work day.  It was routine for me.  But this day...I had enough sulking in my loneliness.  I was so sick of having no friends!!!  I was desperate for female conversation!  So I did the un-thinkable!  I stepped out of my warm, cozy car and knocked on a thin layer of ice that lay upon a car window parked next to me.  She rolled down the window timidly.  She had long brown hair, dark brown eyes, a fair complexion, an unsure smile and an adorable baby girl in the backseat.  I boldy asked a question that I had never asked anyone before, "Will you be my friend"?  Then quickly after opening my big, fat mouth, I felt like running back to my car and driving away!  I thought to myself, "How stupid can I be"? 

Within seconds... she burst out laughing and replied, "YES!!! Will you be my friend too"? 

That was the start of a beautiful friendship and the end of our eating worms!  That girlfriend was in the same boat I was in.  She was lonely.  She was in a desperate place of needing friends, encouragement and support. If I would have never bravely knocked on her window...we both would have missed out on so many wonderful memories together!  She was just who I needed to help pull me out of despair.  There was nothing magical about her.  She was just a girl who needed a friend.  And I was just a girl who took a leap of faith and asked the silly, ackward question," Will you be my friend"?

I tell this story because I know there is someone out there right now... lonely.  Desperate to talk.  Hungry for the love of a true friend.  If you are that person, please put the spoon down, stop shoveling worms in your mouth!  Step out in faith and be the friend to someone that you desire.  Good friends are hard to find, but they are almost impossible to find... if you insist that they make the first move!

"Dear friends, we must love each other because love comes from God.

 Everyone who loves has been born from God and knows God."

1 John 4:7

Charlie The Fish and "I QUIT"!

All of us that walk the road of life have something in common.  It seems there comes a time when all we can muster up to say is, "I QUIT"!  I have a strong feeling that as you read those two words, something or someone comes to mind. 

Today, as I sat at the kitchen table teaching math with my distracted kindergartner, something strange happened.   With a loud, frightened shout from my math student I heard, "MOM>>MOM>>>MOM>>> Charlie...look at Charlie! He is trapped and dying...help him"!!!  Our electric blue, Beta fish named, "Charlie" was upside down, stuck underneath a rock... dying. I quickly moved the decorative rock and he was set free.  Charlie swam up to the top of the bowl in relief! 

Now that is just one of the many "Charlie" stories.   He used to be my mom's fish for her school classroom.  Her students found him lying on the carpet one day.  My mom picked up his dry, scaly body and put him back into the bowl for the time being (thinking he was dead).  Within a few seconds, he was swimming around like new.  Who knew how long he was laying on the floor? ....Or the time Charlie found a  home with my sister and her four small children, sticking random objects into his bowl.   My sister confessed to the neglect of poor Charlie.  He went for days and sometimes even weeks, without being feed or having his water changed.   So we decided to adopt him.  But, I have to say...our family was not any better! Charlie has had many salted peanuts dumped into his bowl and been chased countless times by little fingers.

This fish is simply unstoppable!  He should have died 100 times already. The amazing thing about Charlie is that he always finds a way to survive!  That little fish is a fighter!  It is in his cold-blooded body to fight and win!  Although his flowing fins are limp and his bright blue is now a grayish-blue...he keeps going! 

If only we could all be more like Charlie, instead of saying,"I QUIT".

This week, in the quietness of my heart and world around me, this is what I have witnessed...
A few days ago, there stood a 300+ pound African-American woman in the gym locker room. She was desperately trying to put her shoes on.  It was a very difficult task for her, as she couldn't lean forward very well.  By the look on her face, she was saying,"I quit".  But she persevered.  She kept pulling those shoe laces and squeezing her foot in.  She did it!  She keeps coming back to the gym, doing the same frustrating routine.  Facing the same starring eyes of those "more fit" around her. She is fighting to save her health and life.  It is not easy to be in the crowds, get in a swim suit for the water fitness class and workout at her weight...but she's facing her giant called, "fear". 

She is a fighter.  She is like "Charlie".  She will not say ,"I QUIT"!

And then there is the mom who is at her last straw with raising small children.  She is tired of cleaning what is undone a few minutes later.  She is frustrated at saying "no" over and over to a toddler misbehaving.  She is worn-out, overwhelmed and sleep deprived. By the look on her face, she was saying,"I quit". The laundry piles up, the kids are fighting and she can't seem to hold it together another second.  But somehow she searches deep within and by God's strength, she tucks her children in bed, reads them a story and kisses their forheads' goodnight.  With love in her eyes and a smile in her heart, she does it again the next day.

She is a fighter.  She is like "Charlie".  She will not say ,"I QUIT"!

What about the hardworking father, who is running on four or five hours of sleep, waking up before the sun arises to pour a cup of coffee?!  He grabs his bag and rushes out the door just in time for morning traffic, as he drives 60-90 minutes to work. He "sucks it up", humbles himself and deals with a stressful work place, annoying co-workers, an unsatisfied boss and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch. By the look on his face, he was saying,"I quit". After an exhausting-full-work day, he walks through the door to his home in the late evening, hugs his kids, greets his wife with a kiss.   The next morning he wakes up and does it over and over again for the rest of his life.  All the while.... he never complains.  He is a family man, who provides safety and security and loves endlessly.

He is a fighter.  He is like "Charlie".  He will not say ,"I QUIT"!

And then somewhere in the world right now...There are people who have really said those two famous last words.  "I QUIT".  They have quit on themselves, on God, on their families, on their friends.  They are not fighting.  They are not like "Charlie".  They are trapped, stuck under the rock.  Or they have jumped out of the fish bowl, lying on the floor ...dying. Today,  there is a baby aborted from a teenager who quit her pregnancy.  A teenager who quit on life and committed suicide. A child placed in foster care; from parents who "quit".  A man drinking himself into a coma.  A wife sleeping around and quitting on her husband.  A father abusing a mother.  A husband and wife divorcing and quitting on the unity of marriage.  A girl starving herself to death.   Gangs shooting other gangs. Somewhere... all around us... are "quitters". 

But God has not quit on the "quitters".  God is forgiving.  God is understanding.  God is all-knowing.  God is everywhere at once.  God will lift up that rock and bring "quitters" to safety.  God will put "quitters" back in the fish bowl... if only they would let HIM. 

It is God who makes us a fighter.  It is God who makes us like "Charlie". 

It is God who keeps us from saying, "I QUIT".

My mom said, "This is just a season. This too shall pass."

Whenever I feel completely overwhelmed by life, I call my mom.  I can always count on her to listen to me and help me work through my struggles.  My mom has told me on many occasions, "This too shall pass" . Another one she says comes to mind, "This is only a season"!  Both of those phrases I have learned to understand and appreciate.  As I am growing up and becoming a  "real adult", I am aware that everyday, every week, every year is a season.  Sometimes it is joyful, happy, sunny...sometimes the opposite.  Life has it's peaks and valleys, highs and lows, rain and sunshine.  I think it's interesting how God uses the weather to remind us that there is a time for everything!  Last week it was rain, mudslides and floods in southern CA.  This week it is clear skies and the bright warm sun! Isn't life so similar.

At 17 years old, all I could think about was getting a boyfriend!  I worked at a church camp and honestly one of the main reasons...was to meet a boy!  I met him alright! A year later..we were married at age 18!  Our first season together was living in the down south with red-necks and crocodiles!  We were young and eager to experience life together!  He was in the Navy school  and worked a ton of hours studying.  I worked at a gym nearby, as a Personal Trainer.  For our free time together... we played!  Volleyball...rollerblading... swimming...relaxing.  We even had our first hurricane there!  We hid in the closet with blankets, by candlelight ~with canned food and no electricity.  But Oh how I missed my family back in CA. I was so homesick for them. Bitter-sweet memories. 

My mom said, "This is just a season.  This too shall pass".

Then came New York!  Freezing cold.  Snow.  Storms.  Clouds. But how amazing the friends in New York were.  I met some of my bestest buddies there. At a time when I was most homesick.  God sent me a family of friends to encourage and befriend me!  And still to this very day...I keep in touch with them often. I remember walking the snowy paths in the college town we lived at.  We loved the bagel shops, coffee shops, reading books at Borders and  cross- country skiing.  We had long conversations and yummy food with some of the sweetest folks!  During a time of missing my family...God poured out his love in a very tangible way...friendships.  The weather was brutal.  The days were long.  9-11 happened while we lived there too.  My heart was lonely for family, but full of new adventures.

My mom said, "This is just a season.  This too shall pass."

Then off to the submarines he went.   Days, weeks and months my hubby was gone into the depths of the ocean.  No communication.  We couldn't talk on a phone, text or e-mail.  He was home for a few days...then gone for a while.  I remember feeling so lonely for him.  I missed him like crazy!  I thought Navy life was for the birds!  I wanted out!  I was done with the Navy owning us!  I was pregnant with our first baby and he was gone for most of it.  I held tight to God.  He was my strength when my husband was out to sea. Even though we were transferred back to a beautiful beach in southern CA, and I was closer home to my family...having my husband gone so much was very challenging.  Sometimes it felt impossible.  Many times I cried.  I was home with a new baby and when her daddy came home...she cried.  Her daddy was a stranger.

My mom said, "This is just a season.  This too shall pass."

And off to another state back east.  Another move.  Another way of life.  Now we were a family of three and another baby on the way!  Navy life was only two more years...and then we were finally done!  It was there that we found a loving church, friends and the joy/challenges of having kids.  It wasn't so simple.  We had a 2 year old and infant.  Life was no longer walks on the beach hand in hand.  It was hand on a stroller and hand holding a screaming baby!  Yep...the 2nd baby was not so easy!  He was a hand full!  So now I was overwhelmed by a toddler and unhappy baby boy.  I learned that going from one to two kids without any grandma's, grandpa's, sisters, aunts or  uncles to help was super hard!  I juggled trying to manage two kids and keep a job as a fitness instructor at the local YMCA was not so easy.  It was hard enough to make it out the door on time with matching shoes.

My mom said, "This is just a season.  This too shall pass."

And then we were done with the Navy!  Yippee!  A family of five now.  Back in CA!  New house.  And back home with my family and all my sisters and their kids.  Our salary was cut in half.  We used  WIC and med-i-cal.  We were on a $50 budget a week  for groceries, diapers and shampoo.  But we didn't care!  We were out of the Navy!  Money was tight.  But we didn't mind!  We were out of the Navy!!!! 

And now we are a family of six.  My husband has a great job.  My days consist of teaching a 5 year old to read, keeping a crawling baby away from harmful objects, listening to our oldest daughter figure out how to play piano, and teaching a four year old to stop whining.  Life isn't any easier.  The nest is full.  My hands are busy, my heart is much bigger.  I have no idea what the future holds.  But I do know one thing..

My mom said, "This is just a season.  This too shall pass." 

So wherever you are today, wether you are in the midst of a terrible tragedy, feeling overwhelmed, burdenedd, homesick or lonely... you won't be there long.

"This is just a season.  This too shall pass."