"Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, think I'll eat some worms..."

Have you ever heard the song that goes like this," Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, think I'll eat some worms..."  Well,  I am not sure if that is a "real song" or a "made-up" song by my siblings and myself.  But I do remember singing that song many times in my childhood!  Whenever I was pouting, sitting in the feeble position and crying about having no friends...my sisters would sing that song to me.  And I would sing that song to my sisters, if they acted the same.  (Aren't siblings so nice to each other!)

I remember starting to feel myself slip into that very harsh and almost un-escapable emotion of loneliness when I was 19 years old.  I was a newly-wed, married to a wonderful, tender-loving man.  He bent over backwards for me.  He would sacrifice anything, just to make me happy. But while he was a student at a nuclear power plant, working insane hours each week...I was home alone, desperate for a girl-friend who I could hangout with, talk to, shop with, go to coffee with.  I just wanted someone to be my buddy, while my husband was working.  I lived in a new state, experiencing culture shock.  My closest family members lived 2,000 miles away.  I loved being married and embarking on a new adventure...but I was hungry for a friend also.  Each day that passed without a friend (other than my husband of course) grew dimmer.  I was slowly falling into that emotional pit of worms.

It sure is amazing how the feeling of loneliness can effect us in this world of millions of people.  Dwelling of the feeling of loneliness basically robs us of anything good.  We become so inward focused.  We lose our sight.  We suffer silently, waiting for someone to notice us.  Waiting for someone to rescue us from the depths of despair.  We become depressed and start believing the lies of our mind.  We start to believe that we are stupid, worthless individuals; who have no purpose and reason for living.  The hole we choose to live in grows deeper, darker and colder.  We become consumed in our false-reality that we allow ourselves to be in.  We replay the song over and over again..."nobody likes me, everybody hates me, think I'll eat some worms..."  The worms represent feeding our brain the brutally sad, un-healthy, extremely negative, damaging emotions of SELF-PITY!!!  We become so needy for someone to love and accept us and reach out to us, that all we can think about is belonging somewhere and to someone.  We become addicted to the emotion of  feeling un-love able, un-appreciated, un-welcomed and un-attractive.  The sad truth is that while we do that...  we actually become un-reachable!

After many months of loneliness in New York, at the young age of 19, something clicked for me.  It was a freezing cold, gloomy, excessively snowy day.  I sat alone in my ice-covered, silver, CA license plate Saturn, waiting for my cute husband in the parking lot of his work.  It was no different than any other day.  I was used to picking him up from work everyday in the evening.  In fact, all of us one-vehicle families and/or young Navy wives sat and waited in the car  for their husbands at the end of a work day.  It was routine for me.  But this day...I had enough sulking in my loneliness.  I was so sick of having no friends!!!  I was desperate for female conversation!  So I did the un-thinkable!  I stepped out of my warm, cozy car and knocked on a thin layer of ice that lay upon a car window parked next to me.  She rolled down the window timidly.  She had long brown hair, dark brown eyes, a fair complexion, an unsure smile and an adorable baby girl in the backseat.  I boldy asked a question that I had never asked anyone before, "Will you be my friend"?  Then quickly after opening my big, fat mouth, I felt like running back to my car and driving away!  I thought to myself, "How stupid can I be"? 

Within seconds... she burst out laughing and replied, "YES!!! Will you be my friend too"? 

That was the start of a beautiful friendship and the end of our eating worms!  That girlfriend was in the same boat I was in.  She was lonely.  She was in a desperate place of needing friends, encouragement and support. If I would have never bravely knocked on her window...we both would have missed out on so many wonderful memories together!  She was just who I needed to help pull me out of despair.  There was nothing magical about her.  She was just a girl who needed a friend.  And I was just a girl who took a leap of faith and asked the silly, ackward question," Will you be my friend"?

I tell this story because I know there is someone out there right now... lonely.  Desperate to talk.  Hungry for the love of a true friend.  If you are that person, please put the spoon down, stop shoveling worms in your mouth!  Step out in faith and be the friend to someone that you desire.  Good friends are hard to find, but they are almost impossible to find... if you insist that they make the first move!

"Dear friends, we must love each other because love comes from God.

 Everyone who loves has been born from God and knows God."

1 John 4:7

Charlie The Fish and "I QUIT"!

All of us that walk the road of life have something in common.  It seems there comes a time when all we can muster up to say is, "I QUIT"!  I have a strong feeling that as you read those two words, something or someone comes to mind. 

Today, as I sat at the kitchen table teaching math with my distracted kindergartner, something strange happened.   With a loud, frightened shout from my math student I heard, "MOM>>MOM>>>MOM>>> Charlie...look at Charlie! He is trapped and dying...help him"!!!  Our electric blue, Beta fish named, "Charlie" was upside down, stuck underneath a rock... dying. I quickly moved the decorative rock and he was set free.  Charlie swam up to the top of the bowl in relief! 

Now that is just one of the many "Charlie" stories.   He used to be my mom's fish for her school classroom.  Her students found him lying on the carpet one day.  My mom picked up his dry, scaly body and put him back into the bowl for the time being (thinking he was dead).  Within a few seconds, he was swimming around like new.  Who knew how long he was laying on the floor? ....Or the time Charlie found a  home with my sister and her four small children, sticking random objects into his bowl.   My sister confessed to the neglect of poor Charlie.  He went for days and sometimes even weeks, without being feed or having his water changed.   So we decided to adopt him.  But, I have to say...our family was not any better! Charlie has had many salted peanuts dumped into his bowl and been chased countless times by little fingers.

This fish is simply unstoppable!  He should have died 100 times already. The amazing thing about Charlie is that he always finds a way to survive!  That little fish is a fighter!  It is in his cold-blooded body to fight and win!  Although his flowing fins are limp and his bright blue is now a grayish-blue...he keeps going! 

If only we could all be more like Charlie, instead of saying,"I QUIT".

This week, in the quietness of my heart and world around me, this is what I have witnessed...
A few days ago, there stood a 300+ pound African-American woman in the gym locker room. She was desperately trying to put her shoes on.  It was a very difficult task for her, as she couldn't lean forward very well.  By the look on her face, she was saying,"I quit".  But she persevered.  She kept pulling those shoe laces and squeezing her foot in.  She did it!  She keeps coming back to the gym, doing the same frustrating routine.  Facing the same starring eyes of those "more fit" around her. She is fighting to save her health and life.  It is not easy to be in the crowds, get in a swim suit for the water fitness class and workout at her weight...but she's facing her giant called, "fear". 

She is a fighter.  She is like "Charlie".  She will not say ,"I QUIT"!

And then there is the mom who is at her last straw with raising small children.  She is tired of cleaning what is undone a few minutes later.  She is frustrated at saying "no" over and over to a toddler misbehaving.  She is worn-out, overwhelmed and sleep deprived. By the look on her face, she was saying,"I quit". The laundry piles up, the kids are fighting and she can't seem to hold it together another second.  But somehow she searches deep within and by God's strength, she tucks her children in bed, reads them a story and kisses their forheads' goodnight.  With love in her eyes and a smile in her heart, she does it again the next day.

She is a fighter.  She is like "Charlie".  She will not say ,"I QUIT"!

What about the hardworking father, who is running on four or five hours of sleep, waking up before the sun arises to pour a cup of coffee?!  He grabs his bag and rushes out the door just in time for morning traffic, as he drives 60-90 minutes to work. He "sucks it up", humbles himself and deals with a stressful work place, annoying co-workers, an unsatisfied boss and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch. By the look on his face, he was saying,"I quit". After an exhausting-full-work day, he walks through the door to his home in the late evening, hugs his kids, greets his wife with a kiss.   The next morning he wakes up and does it over and over again for the rest of his life.  All the while.... he never complains.  He is a family man, who provides safety and security and loves endlessly.

He is a fighter.  He is like "Charlie".  He will not say ,"I QUIT"!

And then somewhere in the world right now...There are people who have really said those two famous last words.  "I QUIT".  They have quit on themselves, on God, on their families, on their friends.  They are not fighting.  They are not like "Charlie".  They are trapped, stuck under the rock.  Or they have jumped out of the fish bowl, lying on the floor ...dying. Today,  there is a baby aborted from a teenager who quit her pregnancy.  A teenager who quit on life and committed suicide. A child placed in foster care; from parents who "quit".  A man drinking himself into a coma.  A wife sleeping around and quitting on her husband.  A father abusing a mother.  A husband and wife divorcing and quitting on the unity of marriage.  A girl starving herself to death.   Gangs shooting other gangs. Somewhere... all around us... are "quitters". 

But God has not quit on the "quitters".  God is forgiving.  God is understanding.  God is all-knowing.  God is everywhere at once.  God will lift up that rock and bring "quitters" to safety.  God will put "quitters" back in the fish bowl... if only they would let HIM. 

It is God who makes us a fighter.  It is God who makes us like "Charlie". 

It is God who keeps us from saying, "I QUIT".

My mom said, "This is just a season. This too shall pass."

Whenever I feel completely overwhelmed by life, I call my mom.  I can always count on her to listen to me and help me work through my struggles.  My mom has told me on many occasions, "This too shall pass" . Another one she says comes to mind, "This is only a season"!  Both of those phrases I have learned to understand and appreciate.  As I am growing up and becoming a  "real adult", I am aware that everyday, every week, every year is a season.  Sometimes it is joyful, happy, sunny...sometimes the opposite.  Life has it's peaks and valleys, highs and lows, rain and sunshine.  I think it's interesting how God uses the weather to remind us that there is a time for everything!  Last week it was rain, mudslides and floods in southern CA.  This week it is clear skies and the bright warm sun! Isn't life so similar.

At 17 years old, all I could think about was getting a boyfriend!  I worked at a church camp and honestly one of the main reasons...was to meet a boy!  I met him alright! A year later..we were married at age 18!  Our first season together was living in the down south with red-necks and crocodiles!  We were young and eager to experience life together!  He was in the Navy school  and worked a ton of hours studying.  I worked at a gym nearby, as a Personal Trainer.  For our free time together... we played!  Volleyball...rollerblading... swimming...relaxing.  We even had our first hurricane there!  We hid in the closet with blankets, by candlelight ~with canned food and no electricity.  But Oh how I missed my family back in CA. I was so homesick for them. Bitter-sweet memories. 

My mom said, "This is just a season.  This too shall pass".

Then came New York!  Freezing cold.  Snow.  Storms.  Clouds. But how amazing the friends in New York were.  I met some of my bestest buddies there. At a time when I was most homesick.  God sent me a family of friends to encourage and befriend me!  And still to this very day...I keep in touch with them often. I remember walking the snowy paths in the college town we lived at.  We loved the bagel shops, coffee shops, reading books at Borders and  cross- country skiing.  We had long conversations and yummy food with some of the sweetest folks!  During a time of missing my family...God poured out his love in a very tangible way...friendships.  The weather was brutal.  The days were long.  9-11 happened while we lived there too.  My heart was lonely for family, but full of new adventures.

My mom said, "This is just a season.  This too shall pass."

Then off to the submarines he went.   Days, weeks and months my hubby was gone into the depths of the ocean.  No communication.  We couldn't talk on a phone, text or e-mail.  He was home for a few days...then gone for a while.  I remember feeling so lonely for him.  I missed him like crazy!  I thought Navy life was for the birds!  I wanted out!  I was done with the Navy owning us!  I was pregnant with our first baby and he was gone for most of it.  I held tight to God.  He was my strength when my husband was out to sea. Even though we were transferred back to a beautiful beach in southern CA, and I was closer home to my family...having my husband gone so much was very challenging.  Sometimes it felt impossible.  Many times I cried.  I was home with a new baby and when her daddy came home...she cried.  Her daddy was a stranger.

My mom said, "This is just a season.  This too shall pass."

And off to another state back east.  Another move.  Another way of life.  Now we were a family of three and another baby on the way!  Navy life was only two more years...and then we were finally done!  It was there that we found a loving church, friends and the joy/challenges of having kids.  It wasn't so simple.  We had a 2 year old and infant.  Life was no longer walks on the beach hand in hand.  It was hand on a stroller and hand holding a screaming baby!  Yep...the 2nd baby was not so easy!  He was a hand full!  So now I was overwhelmed by a toddler and unhappy baby boy.  I learned that going from one to two kids without any grandma's, grandpa's, sisters, aunts or  uncles to help was super hard!  I juggled trying to manage two kids and keep a job as a fitness instructor at the local YMCA was not so easy.  It was hard enough to make it out the door on time with matching shoes.

My mom said, "This is just a season.  This too shall pass."

And then we were done with the Navy!  Yippee!  A family of five now.  Back in CA!  New house.  And back home with my family and all my sisters and their kids.  Our salary was cut in half.  We used  WIC and med-i-cal.  We were on a $50 budget a week  for groceries, diapers and shampoo.  But we didn't care!  We were out of the Navy!  Money was tight.  But we didn't mind!  We were out of the Navy!!!! 

And now we are a family of six.  My husband has a great job.  My days consist of teaching a 5 year old to read, keeping a crawling baby away from harmful objects, listening to our oldest daughter figure out how to play piano, and teaching a four year old to stop whining.  Life isn't any easier.  The nest is full.  My hands are busy, my heart is much bigger.  I have no idea what the future holds.  But I do know one thing..

My mom said, "This is just a season.  This too shall pass." 

So wherever you are today, wether you are in the midst of a terrible tragedy, feeling overwhelmed, burdenedd, homesick or lonely... you won't be there long.

"This is just a season.  This too shall pass."

Today...for the first time... they met God.

Today I witnessed a crowd before me.  Many faces.  Some had a skin tone of glowing white.  Some a sick pale white.  Some a beautiful shade of dark cocoa.  Some a soft, warm, cozy brown.  Many had smiles.  More had sorrow.  I usually live in my own world, trying to keep my four little ducklings in tow- following my side, as I walk about the halls at church. 

Today was different.

 As I sat in the cushy church seats, I observed the families that surround me.  My thoughts were outside myself.  They entered into the hearts and minds of people (all ages) next to me.  The room was silent with no talking, except the sound of a guitar and the sweet, simple voices of a husband and wife leading us in songs.  As I listened to the music.  I tried to sing.  I could not.  My soul was heavy.  It was full of noise.  Not the noise of my own worries or concerns.  It was heavy with the heart aches and cries of those all around me.  I could hear their hearts beating with anxiety.  I could feel their deadly pulse of depression.  I could sense their strong- pulling tension.  I could feel the cold-bitterness that lingered in their inner core.  I could see the faces wrinkled with doubt.  I saw the tears of single mothers... alone.  I saw the wife who kept looking at her husband in disapproval.  I saw the elderly woman, holding on the shoulder of the younger to help keep her balance.  I witnessed the mother and father walking in late with exhaustion, from their troubled teens.  I sat.  I listened.  I was deeply saddened and not sure what to do with my emotions. Do I sing like everyone else?  I did not.  I could not.  I was not able to concentrate on the words being sang.  They people demanded my attention.  I was glued to the invisible, but very real reality of life...the inward battles people were trying to choke down.

So I prayed.  I lifted up these hurting souls to God Almighty.  I begged  for God to fill up the empty hearts with Himself.  To pour out peace and comfort to His children.  I pleaded on their behalf...for healing. Not so much a physical healing...but a healing that brings forgiveness and love to the aches and pains that others have brought upon them.  I prayed that the families would be set free from the trap of the enemy!  I prayed that these people would know how God loves them and created them for a purpose.  I prayed.  God listened.

After our pastor concluded his sermon, he gave an open invitation to the church.  He asked if anyone wanted to know "real love" personally?  He asked if anyone wanted forgiveness? He asked if anyone wanted to lose their baggage and carry a lighter load?  He asked if anyone wanted to accept the free, un-earned, gift of grace from God?  He asked...the people responded. 

As the guitar played softly in the background, the people came.  One by one, they walked to the front of the church.  One by one, they stood up out of their seat and the chains were broken.  One by one, the people were set free.  All the tension, all the doubt, all the fear, all the anxiety were left at the alter.  They came and Jesus met them.  With His arms wide open.  He received their broken lives and they were made new!  Tears rolled down my cheeks.  The man (who's wife looked at him with disapproval) went forward.  (She wept.)  The teenager walked forward. (They wept.)  A husband and wife held hands and walked forward as a team. (They wept.) The elderly woman made her way to the front with a small child. (I wept.)  A child with a cute pink hat walked boldy alone to the front.  More than a dozen hurting people found "real love". 

 Today...for the first time... they met God.  I wept  with joy, because I knew their lives would never be the same!  I knew that they would be forever changed.  Not just on this earth...but for eternity!  And then with the guitar, I sang.  My mind was not cluttered by the silent cries of people...it was rejoicing for the people had found their Savior!

1 Kings 8:28 

^"Yet regard the prayer of Your servant and his supplication, O LORD my God, and listen to the cry and the prayer which Your servant is praying before You today:"

Psalm 94:19 

"In the multitude of my anxieties within me,
         Your comforts delight my soul".

Toxins and Throwing Up

As we were driving up the beautiful mountains of Big Bear, I heard a familiar sound that we all know.  It was the good ole barfing sound coming from the back seat!  I quickly grabbed my empty, sparkling, purple coffee mug to catch the remainder of Aspen's dinner. Too bad the cup wasn't large enough to hold dinner!  It fell upon her new jeans, onto our dog who sat at her feet and my hand that held the fancy cup.  As the scent of bile and chicken filled our truck and I felt the aftermath upon my hand and ...I rolled my window down to let my dinner go too!  O the lovely joys of getting car sick!

Or what about the time Erik and I ate those juicy, plump, polish hot-dogs from the race track vendor the night before our wedding anniversary?!  The entire next day... we celebrated our wonderful years of marriage throwing up over a toilet bowl from food poisoning!

And then there was the event where my nephew was poisoned from drinking bad, stagnant water in Peru and ended up with high fevers, weight loss and not keeping any food down for days.

I surely remember the adventure of being in terrible labor for 30+ hours with my first child and encountered the worst case of nausea I have ever experienced in my life!  I never knew vomiting could feel so bad!

So now that you have a nicely painted picture in your head about vomit...let me continue.  Even though barfing is not fun, nor does it leave the most pleasant after-taste in one's mouth...the best part of throwing up is when it's over!  After Aspen threw up in the truck during our long drive to the mountains, she simply stated to us, "I feel sooooo much better now.  I am not sick anymore"!  News Flash to Rachel!  God is teaching me yet another life lesson!  And... it's from my hand being covered in my daughter's vomit!  Here are my cliff notes I became aware of  recently:

Vomit is the body's way of letting something go...that needs to go!  It's trying to get rid of toxins.  It's trying to create space in the upset tummy.  It's wanting to get clean again.  It's the body saying, "Give me a  break, would ya"!   Once the body has rid itself of the poison, germs, toxins...it begins to heal.  And once healing takes place, the body can return to normal once again.

Sometimes I fill my life with toxins!  I don't mean drugs or cigarettes.  The toxins I am referring too, are not tangible objects or substances.  The toxins I ingest are not seen.  They begin in my mind.  The ugly toxins that bring harm to my life and seek to destroy me are the thoughts that I allow to dwell upon.  They can be doubt, fear, anxiety, people-pleasing, impatience, and lack of faith.  I bring these thoughts into my mind, digest them and become spiritually sick by them.  Sometimes, I choose to let them control me, take over me, win the battle and poison me.  Instead of listening to the warning signs of feeling sick, I keep stuffing myself with more toxins.  I fall deeper into the danger zone.  I focus my thoughts on me. me. me. instead of  God.  God.  God. 

Toxins can come in many forms.  Some are easy to see.  Others are hidden.  Some are the obvious ones like drugs or alcoholism.  Toxins can be bitterness towards someone who has hurt us.  Toxins can be living life to please others, instead of being who God made us to be.  Toxins can be constantly putting ourselves in unhealthy relationships.  Toxins can be reading romance novels and secretly wanting the life of the princess; swept away by the prince, and being envious.  Toxins can be sitting in front of the computer and becoming numb to those in need around us.  Toxins can be racking up debt to buy the new cars, houses, clothes or furniture.  Toxins are the things that consume our heart, mind and soul.  Toxins can lead to a slow, painful spiritual death.  They put us first and others last.  So when we feel the fever coming...or the gag reflex....or the feeling in the pit of our stomach...let it go!  Don't stuff more toxins in.  Throw up!  Confess them!  Lose them!  Get rid of the yucky toxins that are eating away at our soul, robbing us of living life to the fullest! 

Psalm 30:2 

 "LORD my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me".  

I praise God for the times when I can mentally and emotionally throw up!  I confess my doubt, fear, anxiety, people-pleasing tendencies, impatience with others and lack of faith in God! I let God take over and be my Great Physician! 

Psalm 103: 2-4

 "Bless the LORD, O my soul,
         And forget not all His benefits:
 Who forgives all your iniquities,
         Who heals all your diseases,
 Who redeems your life from destruction,
         Who crowns you with loving kindness and tender mercies..."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJNL00oVGHI

O, the pleasures of....Cookie Dough!

Cookie dough or cake batter! 

It is just one of those things I am drawn towards!  My mom used to eat chocolate-cake-batter mix from a box while she was pregnant with me.  Just add 2 eggs, a half of cup of oil to chocolate cake mix in a bowl....grab a large wooden spoon and some milk to go with it!  What a perfect ending to a pregnant day!  

I also carried on the cake batter or cookie dough tradition while I was pregnant!  While Erik was deep under the heart of the ocean in a submarine during his Navy years...I was baking in the kitchen.  The only problem was that I never got to the baking part!  I mixed all the ingredients together and kept the oven pre-heating while I enjoyed the batter!   The oven just got hotter, and I just kept sampling... until there was none left to bake!  I used to sit with a large glass of cold milk and eat the perfect combination of chocolate chips with creamy butter, sugar and flour!  I had it down to a science!  I didn't need to follow any cookie recipes!  I had a mental note embedded in my brain!  In fact I carried the pregnant/cookie dough tradition on with each child that I carried! 

In our  homeschooling years, my older sister set out to find the "perfect chocolate chip cookie recipe"!  I have to say the most fun about finding the perfect cookie was sampling ALL the dough!  If the dough wasn't fabulous...I tossed out the recipe!  I think us three sisters  decided that the family who carried the best cookie was a family in our church who had four little darlings.  We  babysat their kids lots of weekends!  We LOVED baby sitting these toe-heads, because they were adorable, not to mention there mama always had a cookie jar filled with her amazing chocolate chip cookies!  She must have known they were the highlight of our day!  She was so good about making sure we had plenty to eat!  God bless her for pouring out such love to us girls! 

When I think of cookie dough, I can't help but be flooded with happy memories!  It represents a sweet treat after a hard day at public high-school, it represents fellowship with my sisters, it represents the days I carried my little babies in my tummy. It's a comfort food that will always be close to my heart! I think perhaps everybody has a "food item" that triggers a flood of emotions and happiness.  Maybe it's a diet coke or candy car, or cup of soup.  I know that cookie-dough isn't a healthy-good-for-me snack that  an aerobics instructor should be eating!  But it sure is good for my soul!  It is a friend that never let's me down!

So as I think about cookie dough, I ponder something else....Why is it that I love cookie dough more than the cookies a day later?  It just is.  There is no great explanation.  It simply is!  Icecream companies have learned of this truth!  Now there is cookie dough icrecream!  Sometimes things are better raw!

I hope to be like cookie dough someday!   I hope to be a "cookie dough mother", who brings comfort to her babies after a hard day.  A "cookie dough" wife ,who comes alongside to be my hubby's companion and friend! A "cookie dough sister" who makes special memories that bring joy and friendship!  A "cookie dough daughter" who brings a smile to my parents face.  A "cookie dough friend" that is there to give hugs and encouragement when needed. I know it sounds silly.  If only I could pour out love on others like cookie dough!

What Does Extreme Sports and LOVE have in common?

I married an extreme sports guy.  No...not a football fan, or soccer or baseball or even basketball kind of guy.  Team sports aren't his thing.  He is into anything that goes super fast and requires being fearless!  It's more like racing cars, off-roading, dirt-biking, down-hill mountain biking, motorcycle riding on the race tracks, learning to fly airplanes, snowboarding and skiing.  While I was dating him, I thought this extreme sports stuff was super hot!  11 years and 4 kids later, I think he is absolutely crazy!  I fear for his life! And now our son is turning out to be just like his daddy!  I will never hold the "soccer mom" title. Nope...I will be the mom of a extreme-adrenaline-rush kind of boy, who is always in the ER for broken bones!  I am sure that the hospital staff will know us by name!  So, let me explain where I am going with this...

Have you ever read the marriage book, "His Needs, Her Needs"?  Well,  I have.  Erik and I studied the book many years ago.  One of the chapters I will never forget is about the importance of  "recreational companionship".  That long title basically means...joining in on the fun with your spouse!   Do what he loves!  If he likes talking politics, do it!  If he likes playing golf, go to the driving range with him.  If he wants to play cards...go grab a deck of cards.  I am in BIG TROUBLE!  My husband doesn't like the easy stuff....He prefers getting greasy under cars and racing down the slopes of mountains!  OH NO!!!! What am I to do?!!!  Can't we just sip coffee and go jogging together?  That is more my style!

For 10 years, we did "Rachel's version of recreational companionship".  My loving hubby sat with me at restaurants, went with me to coffee shops and ran around for thrift store adventures.  He did this to fill up my love tank. I was on "FULL"a lot!  He is so sweet to love me the way I need to be loved.  But something was missing.  I was not loving him with the "Erik version of recreational companionship".  Why?  Because of my fear!  I have always been afraid to try the "unknown".  Going fast and falling doesn't sound like much fun to me.  I always told him to do that stuff with the guys, not me.

Over the last decade of our life together as the Cherry couple, we have witnessed hand fulls of friends go through divorces.  People I love and trust have split up.  My heart has been crushed time and time again seeing others lose their "happily-ever-afters".  We have seen  broken marriages from  affairs, boredom, pornography, selfishness....the list goes on.  After talking with a dear friend of mine, who lost her husband. I have been challenged beyond words.  I have realized my own selfishness in not loving my husband the way that he needs me to love him.  Making him lunches, doing his laundry and sending sweet text messages can only go so far.  I have got to love him enough to overcome my selfishness!  I have got to love him, like it's my last days on this earth! 
So what does that look like for me...????
It means this.
~ATTEMPTING TO SNOWBOARD, AND FALLING 100 TIMES, AS I SLIDE DOWN FROZEN WATER WITH MY HAIR FLYING IN MY MOUTH, AND THE LOOK OF DEATH  WRITTEN ACROSS MY FACE WHILE I SPEED DOWN  BUNNY SLOPES ON MY BACKSIDE!  But it also means, seeing a huge smile on his face because he is so proud of me for doing my best. And letting him cheer me on, pick me up, be my hero to the rescue and wipe the snow off my face and say, "Good job babe, way to go, you are doing great"!
It also means...
~RIDING A HANGING CHAIR-LIFT TO THE TOP OF A STEEP MOUNTAIN AND PEDALING OVER ROCKS AND BUSHES ON A MOUNTAIN BIKE, JUMPING OVER HILLS, EATING DUST, SCREAMING IN TERROR AND DELIGHT!  But it also means, looking over at my husband to see the light in his eyes as he watches me try.  I loved the look on his face after our first mountain biking trip.  He had the same look, as when he first laid eyes on me.  He didn't have to say, "I love you, babe".  His face said it all.  He was falling in love with me more that day!

So I am learning that love looks different to all people.  Love, for some folks it's a simple cup of coffee, or washing dishes, or watching the game on TV.  For me it's not that easy.  One of the most important relationships I can ever have is with my husband.  If I continue to go through life doing what I want,  I am the one who ultimately suffers.  Living too comfortably gets me into trouble.  Loving my husband the way I want to...is just plain selfish and foolish.  I must speak his love language.  I must crawl out of my own skin and into his.  I must enter his world.  I must support him in his dreams.  I must live life with him! I must overcome my fear of extreme sports. I will learn to talk car talk.  I will not be afraid to fly in his airplane, (if he gets his pilot's license).  I will jump into snowboard boots and hit the slopes.  Someone asked me the other day, "If he loves you, why does he want you to do something you are afraid of"?  My reply, "I won't let my fear stop me anymore.  Love is way more important than fear.  He has bent over backwards for me.  Now it's my turn"!

Marriage is fragile.  Handle it with care.  Stepping outside my world and into his...has brought us more laughter, more hugs, more memories, more smiles and more conversation than staying in my own world.  It has brought me joy!